Final Father-Daughter Day?

Obviously Ruth and I will have other opportunities to hang out, but I think life changes after today. Amy is no longer on the work schedule after today. She may take a few of my extra shifts in April and she may do the same after the twins are born, but she will most likely be part time. Therefore, I no longer have these 9 days a month where Ruth and I have 10 or more hours together. I am a little sentimental about it. Looking back, there were some tough times early on when she didn't like to take a bottle, but I felt so pressured to make sure she took all 4oz because I had this fear she would be a failure to thrive overnight and Amy would make me work all 18 shifts because of my iniquity. There would be those times we went to visit Amy in the middle of a shift and then Ruth was inconsolable because she saw her mommy and wanted to be with her. The good times however outnumber the bad. We had wonderful days and nights together including going to a Rangers baseball game, hanging out with Will and Nick, and walks around West Village. I'm going to miss it.

So my shift ended with two critical patients and an unfortunate incident with a consultant. I drove from the ED directly to Ben's to take him to Love Field for his flight. I came home and slept while Ruth and Amy went to make up the missed oral glucose tolerance test. Ruth did not go to swim lessons due to a fever. I did some laundry after Amy went to work. Once Ruth was up from her nap, we went to Target to get an iron, ironing board, Motrin, step stool, and a kitchen trash can. Amy had given her some Motrin before naps so I went ahead and gave some Tylenol for fever prophylaxis. We stopped across the street at Home Depot for another outdoor lightswitch timer. Then we drove through the barrio towards Northpark Mall. It was a good reminder of life to drive through different neighborhoods. Ruth loves the mall. She recognized the benches and escalators and ran ahead without me. At the food court, I asked her if she wanted eggs. She said, "No." I asked if she wanted chicken. She replied the same. I asked if she wanted fries. She then had a huge smile and said, "Yea!" Why not? It was our last official Daddy-Ruthie day. We got some chicken strips, fries, and Sprite at Chick-Fil-A and she handed them the credit card as usual. She began with fries but when I asked her to eat some chicken, she did so and ate a good amount so I was proud of her. I let her have plenty of Sprite because I wanted her to stay hydrated and happy. We walked around the kid clothing and toy stores. She was social to everyone and ran all over the mall. At Build-A-Bear, she found a stroller with a bear and drove it around. After awhile, I told her it was time to go. She was recalcitrant and began to scream in defiance. I gave her a warning in a stern voice, and she complied. I was proud of her for giving up the stroller which she loves to play with, and we moved on. I wanted to find her some business dress for TCEP but apparently there are not a lot of 2 year old female CEOs out there so I didn't find close that matched that description. She ran around the big mall intersection up the ramp and down the stairs over and over. This worked well for my plan to get her worn out by bedtime. When we drove away from the mall, Amy called and said she was headed for the snack machine for donuts. Since she is carrying two of my babies currently, I figured I should get her something healthier. We got some chicken strips from Sonic and drove up to the ED. We had a tech come get the food since I have learned from past experience that Ruthie can be upset for the remainder of the day after she Amy and remembers that she misses her. Another tech came out and wanted to clarify that he wasn't being sarcastic earlier this morning at work when he told me I was a calming presence when the patient went apneic. I didn't think I did much, but I appreciated the compliment. I will remember that.

I drove to Tom Browning's house to chat a little bit since his daughters were in bed and his wife was on call. Ruth played with the toys in the house while we talked about various topics from health care to church small group. I love his honesty and commitment to the Lord. He mentioned a few things that opened my eyes and made me a little embarrassed of things that I need to improve on. We will definitely have to get together more often. At home, I ironed clothes for me and Amy so that we could look somewhat professional at TCEP. Ruth fell asleep watching me iron clothes. I called Matt Patlovany to chat with him while ironing. He told me how his ED experiences were like in San Antonio. We are looking forward to seeing them in a few days. I decided to move Ruth to the middle of the bed so that she wouldn't fall off and noticed she was burning up. She had a temp so I gave her some Motrin. She hasn't been coughing or having a runny nose so I'm not sure what her source is. I watched her sleep peacefully and thanked God for her. It has been a wonderful day.

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1 Corinthians 11:18-19 "In the first place, I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you, and to some extent I believe it. No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God's approval."
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This touches on some of the disagreements Tom and I may have. I will pray hard to see what Jesus wants so that I can desire the same thing. This is going to be difficult.

Doctor Visits

Amy had set Ruth a pediatrician's appointment this morning since she was running a fever and saying that her right side was hurting. She looked pretty good, but we didn't want to have her get worse before all the events of this week. I went to the gym for my personal training session and then met them at the pediatrician's office. Her urine and strep screen were negative so it was probably something viral. We then went for Amy's sono and ob appointment. I spoke to Clark on the way home. I got a short nap in once we came home. We had dinner at home before my overnight shift started.
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1 Corinthians 10:12-13 "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
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This is a good reminder that while things may be running smoothly, things can fall apart in a hurry. Temptations are all around, and we need God to help us identify and avoid falling for them.
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My prayer today is that Ruth doesn't get sick, Amy and the twins continue to do well, and that my shift goes well tonight.

late entry for Sun, 2-29-09

Yesterday, I helped in Ruth's nursery room so I got to see her and the other kids play during the second service. Amy helped in the nursery during the third service so I went to small group prayer requests and ate lunch with them. Ruth fell asleep on the way home. Amy and I solidified travel plans for TCEP this next weekend as well as Nebraska in the fall. We watched MSU beat Louisville, and then Suzanne and Aunt Janie came over. We all headed to Elizabeth's birthday party at the Dahlmans. Ruth did great in the bounce house. At home, we just had some family time, ate dinner, and watched Curious George before heading to bed.
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1 Corinthians 9:24-27 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
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This was a great set of verses speaking of competition and the one that really matters. I do feel like I am running aimlessly at times, but everything comes into focus when I put Christ first. I am thankful to be qualified for the eternal prize.

Productive Day(s)

So I failed to blog for the last 2 days. I guess it started on Thursday when I worked an early morning shift for the first time in awhile. It was busy, but I came home on time. We are very fortunate because Ben was willing to babysit Ruth on short notice. This was the 3rd time Amy and I left Ruth with a babysitter. The first time was when she was 2 months old when Amy's mom watched her while Amy and I went out to dinner. The second time was this past December when Suzanne watched her while we went to the small group Christmas party at the Kennedys. I guess there were other days where Amy and I both worked and her parents babysat and that was for six or seven hours before Amy came home from her shift. Suzanne also came to Chicago to watch Ruth in the hotel room for an afternoon while we both had oral boards. Anyway, I digress. We had a great dinner with the Kennedys and came home to watch some basketball (Mizzou held off a Memphis comeback). Uncle Ben had successfully changed a poopy diaper for Ruth so it was a landmark night. On Friday, we met with Steve and Lisa at the Firewheel Starbucks for a leadership meeting (Lisa in her work out gear and me in my bball attire). We had great discussions and prayer at the end. The Kahn family headed to church so that I could play basketball. Amy and Ruth were kind enough to watch. We grabbed Bubba's chicken on the way to Target where Amy got nursery decorations. It was such a productive day. Amy decked out the nursery/Ruth's room while I went through my Baylor inbox and through the new T-sheet materials that we will be implementing. The night ended with more March Madness (MSU came back to beat KU).

Today, I woke up on my own and finished looking at the T-sheets and typed my thoughts on the changes. Kimbell came over to play guitar. I learned some good things from him. The Kahns then went to hang out with the Arzes. We had a great time chatting. It worked out great and hopefully we can spend more time with their family. We then went to Suzanne's to see her, Tim, and Aunt Janie. I got to see the end of the Pitt/Nova game that ended in a game winning shot at the buzzer by Villanova. Did I mention that I love March?
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1 Corinthians 6:19 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

I forget daily that I was bought and redeemed. This body and soul belongs to Christ. We must treat it like a temple. I guess the key is remembering that the Holy Spirit is within us and connecting with this fact.
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1 Corinthians 7:4 "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife."

As it was mentioned in the previous chapter, we were bought for a price. In addition to belonging to God, we also belong to our spouse in an Earthly view. This is a wonderful gift of marriage and companionship that the Lord has provide for us. I am so thankful for my wife.
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1 Corinthians 8 was a little confusing to me. I felt it was like Leviticus in that it was referring to idols, sacrifice, and food. I am going to move on now that I have caught up from the last few days when I missed out on my Scripture reading. I hear my guitar calling...

Rainy Day

Ruth and I got up to go to the gym while Amy slept since she was post night shift. We came home to pick Amy up for lunch. We also did some grocery shopping and found a toy guitar at the kid's resale store so that Ruth can rock out with me. At home, Amy and Ruth took an afternoon nap while I reviewed patients from my last night shift and did call backs. It has been raining constantly since we got home. I have enjoyed the sunny and So Cal weather so hopefully these days of rain will pass quickly. We went to church for dinner and small group to study the first half of Ephesians 5.
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Ephesians 5:8-9 "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)"
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1 Corinthians 5 didn't give me much that I wanted to comment on so I will talk about Ephesians instead. I want to live in the light. I want to be dead to the things of this world and only care about God's truth. My prayer is that I will try to do so.

Work and Family and Work

I had a good shift overnight and came home to sleep while Ruth went to her first swim lessons. We went to eat at IHOP for lunch where Ruth always eats a good amount of eggs. I went to the hospital for some meetings and continue to learn so much from Steve. I am not ready to be director, but perhaps over time I can take some valuable lessons from Steve and gain the experience needed to take that next step. I met Amy, Ruth, Angela, and Will for dinner at Bubba's which was featured in the recent Texas Monthly's cover story about the best affordable meals in the state. Amy drove to work the overnight shift while the rest of us went to the playground by White Rock Lake. It was a diverse crowd of families which brought up questions of what school environment is best for our children. I'll leave further discussion and debate regarding public vs private vs home school for another day. Anyway, Ruth had a bath and played with toys in her room. I think we will go watch the Curious George movie that we just bought and call it a night and look forward to Amy coming home in the morning.

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1 Corinthians 4:3 "I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God."

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This is something that I would say ranks right behind wanting Ruth to understand the love and sacrifice of Christ. Once she understands that He died for our since so that we are saved, I want her to understand that everything in this world is rubbish and to not worry about what others think of us when they judge us. The greatest misuse of my time and the instigator of me taking the wrong path in life resonated from me trying to please other people or wanting the approval of others. "It is the Lord who judges me." If we could all just forget about the other wannabe judges and only care about Him, this world would be a whole lot less complicated. How can I convey this to my kids when I don't live this way myself? I must incorporate this belief into everything I do and then pray that my children will believe this when I try to instill this value onto them.

Cloudy, windy day

I woke up to go to the gym and saw Juleeta there. On the way home, I decided to stop by Target to get Ruth a soccer ball and goal. We all had lunch at her little table. Amy and I went put up the clothes that were now too small for her. We also pulled out all her old infant clothes (for the twins) which were good memories. After we took a nap, Amy cut my hair. We met the Kennedys and Keri and Eliot for dinner at La Duni at the mall. It was a nice patio where we could see the kids play in the mall outdoor courtyard. With bed holds at the ED, I didn't have to go into work until 10pm so we got to hang out a little longer. I am sure once RME and PCE close at 11pm, it will get busy along with a possible mass exodus after floor beds open for some reason.
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1 Corinthians 3:3 "You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?"
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The division of the church seems to come from quarreling. It reminds me of the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis where the demon and his apprentice are trying to get believers into trouble. My prayer is that I stand strong with my family, small group, our church, and fellow believers in our goal which is to glorify Him and live a Christ-like life. There will be disagreements and differences but we must be united in Him.

Family and Friends

We went to church and had small group prayer requests. Ben, Mom, and Dad met us for lunch across the street from the church at Macaroni Grill. We said goodbye to Papa and Yaya. Ruth fell asleep on the way home, but woke up soon after she was in bed. It was a fun afternoon watching basketball and hanging out with the Harveys, Brookshires, Kennedys, and Catings. After everyone left, we cleaned up really fast and headed over to Suzanne's since she had invited us over earlier in the day. Ruth had fallen asleep on the way over to see Aunt Suzanne and Uncle Tim but woke up when she heard the puppies. We came home and turned on the sprinkler system for the first time. It was quite a busy day, but it was so much fun to spend time with everyone. What a week it has been with all of the visitors over to our house. We wouldn't want it any other way.
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1 Corinthians 2:6 "We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began."
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Many times I look to the wisdom of today's world and today's leaders. I forget about the more important truth that we are destined for. I pray for the Spirit to guide me daily in not looking to this world for answers or approval, but to Him who has great plans for us.
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A big praise I have is for the wonderful small group we are in. It is great to know people who have much in common with us. In addition to being married with young kids, we can all follow Christ and keep each other accountable. We also differ in other ways, but that is how we learn more about each other and ourselves in order to improve. We are glad to be plugged in to a great group of believers. My prayer is that we continue to grow closer together and closer to God.

late entry for Sat, March 21

We got up to get ready to host Angela's baby shower. Dad and I went to get the balloons and breakfast for Amy. Ruth and I took Mom and Dad to the lakehouse so that they could check on it. I found some wedding gifts stored there so I brought them back. We picked Amy up and went to Firewheel where Ruth enjoyed playing on the train and steps over the stream. She had a little fall and abrasions on her legs but she didn't cry and got back up and continued to go up and down the steps again. We all had some shaved ice at Bahama Buck's and then headed to the Catings to drop off food since they just have their new baby. We stopped at Central Market in Plano to get the food, and Ruth enjoyed playing on the slides there. After saying hello to the Catings, we got food at Chinatown and the Thai restaurant on Forest Lane. Ben and Raj joined us at home for dinner. We watched the NCAA tournament to finish off the day.
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1 Corinthians 1:18 "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."
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It is a good reminder of how the Gospel appears to the non-believer in contrast to Christians. It is controversial, but powerful to us who believe.

Work and Family

I slept in until time to go to work. After work, I met Amy, Ruth, Mom, and Dad at Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We came home and watched some March Madness.
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Romans 16:17 "I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them."
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I don't have much to say about this passage. I'll be on the lookout.
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My prayer is for a great weekend with my family.

Farawells

I got up early for basketball. We had a small turnout likely due to spring break. We played half court so that resulted in less cardio (no full court) and me getting posted up a lot. I got home and had a nap. When I woke up, it was time for Rattapol to fly home. The Kahn family went to run some errands in preparation for Angela's baby shower. Ruth played with the easter baskets and eggs at the store. We got a call from my mom and dad who said they would be able to come visit us this weekend which was great news. We had lunch with D.J. and Sumeet at Dream Cafe which has a great patio and playground for Ruth. I was reminded of increasing responsibilities as associate director as I got a phone call about some things at work. I guess I am about to find out if I am cut out and/or passionate about this new role. It was also time for D.J. to drive home so we said our goodbyes. At home, I did some administrative work. The Webbs came over for pizza. We had a good time getting to know one another.
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Romans 15:5 "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."
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The keys words from this passage are endurance, encouragement, and unity. To fight the good fight and make it last, it requires these things. Endurance in our walk with Christ seems to be aided by encouragement from fellow believers who we are unified with. The unity is exemplified by the comment that "with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."
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My prayer today is for the salvation of my family, their safe travel from and to Dallas, and wisdom on how to handle my new work responsibilities professionally, compassionately, and effectively.

Around the Metroplex

Ruth had some pasta for breakfast, and we headed out to LA Fitness for my training session while she played at Kids Club. From there, we drove to Irving to pick up Rattapol. We got D.J. on the way home and had some KFC for lunch. Ruth showed that she doesn't mind using two passifiers at once. I went with Rattapol to Doctors Hospital to see their ED. We met D.J. at White Rock Coffee. Amy, Ruth, and I met the small group at the Bacsiks for a nice cookout and get together. Amy dropped me off at Trinity Hall to meet with Nick Upatham and Rattapol. We had a wonderful chat about Tech and other random Asian things. I learned that the UT game for 2009 had been moved up to the 3rd week of the season. I guess I will request off for 9-19-09.
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Romans 14: 13 "Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way."
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I am guilty many times of passing judgment on others. I know I am not perfect, but I need to work on myself more and not focusing on others. I would like to think that I am pretty positive and try to be encouraging to others. There is always room for improvement, and I will focus on what I can do to be better.

late entry for Tues, 3-18-09

Yesterday, Ruth and got up and went to IHOP for some eggs while Amy recovered from her night shift. Ruth and I then went to get the oil changed at the Honda dealership. She fell asleep on the way home so I dropped her off with Amy. Rattapol had done a couple of interviews in the morning, and we went together to Garland to meet up with Arze and Fowler for lunch. Then we went with Arze to the hospital to give Rattapol a tour and interview. Rattapol and I got some bubble tea on the way home and met Harshal and D.J. for dinner at Grimaldi's/Cork in West Village. Amy left for work after eating some pizza, and Ruth went with D.J. and me to ride the trolley. We took it to Village Burger Bar where we ate with Ben and his friends. Ruth and I went by to Cork and hung out with Harshal again. When he left, Ben, D.J., and Sumeet came to Cork. We went back to Ben's for a little bit. Finally, Ruth was getting sleepy and asking for us to go to the "vroom vroom."
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Romans 13:11 "And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed."
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There is a song on 89.7 that yells, "wake up!" We always need a wake up call. Sometimes life gets into a routine, and there is no urgency. My prayer is for a growing passion for God. An bigger desire each day to pray for my family's salvation.

very late entry for Mon, 3-16-09

On Monday, Amy and Ruth dropped me off and picked me up at the gym. Then we went to the grocery store and met Uncle D.J. at Cafe Brazil. We met D.J.'s classmate, Jeff, who will also be an intern at Jones-Day this summer in Dallas so we went to look at apartments in the area they will be working this summer. We visited three places and then stopped by Primo's for a margarita. Then we all went to eat at Cheesecake factory including Ben and D.J. and their friends and Angela and Will. Rattapol drove in from his interview to join us and spent the night while Amy went to work. Nick and Jaklin came to visit briefly.
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Romans 12:17 "Do not repay anyone evil for evil."
Romans 12: 21 "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
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People usually quote "eye for an eye," but the New Testament mentions to "turn the other cheek." These passages in Romans goes along the same lines. It is in the times that people are being rude or mean to me that I find it most difficult to be kind, but that is what we are supposed to do.

Sunday with the Uncles

We got up a little late because we went to bed late, we checked on a neighbor since there was an ambulance and fire truck in the neighborhood at 3am, and Ruth didn't sleep well after that. We made it to church, nonetheless, and went to lunch with the Kennedys and Brookshires afterwards. Uncle D.J. also joined us and followed us home to play with Ruth. She seemed happy to see Ar D.J. since she was hugging him a lot. We were one gnome down due to a recent mishap, but I repaired him with a little Gorilla Glue. Next the Kahn brothers played some b-ball. We all ate Indian food for dinner at Roti Grill and dessert at Pokey O's where we saw familiar faces who remembered that Amy always had Buttered Pecan. We stopped by Tim and Suzanne's to see their new puppy. Ruth loved playing with both dogs.
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Romans 11:6 "And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace."
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I would like to work on Tomlin's song, "Your Grace is Enough." It is a wonderful thing, this grace. I am thankful for it and am glad it is not all about works.

Parties

The Kahn family slept in again. We went to IHOP just like yesterday but this time for brunch. At the house, I played with Ruth while Amy was putting more songs on my iPhone for me. We headed to lunch at Picasso's with Nick and Jaklin. From there we went to Will's birthday party at Pump It Up where there were large inflatable slides which I enjoyed very much. I think Ruth liked them as much as I did. We drove to the baby store to look at strollers. Ruth immediately fell asleep since she had not napped and was exhausted from the playing. From there, we grabbed a few things at Target (diapers, Big Red, Hot Cheetos, and Flavor Blasted Goldfish... the essentials) and picked up the Kennedys and went to Mike Bacsik's retirement party. We dropped off the Kennedys and called it a night after showering. It was a fun and packed day.
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Romans 10: 9-10 "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."
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It is so easy. Believe in Christ, and we are saved forever. With our heart and with our words, that is all we must do. So simple.
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Romans 10:14-15 "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!""
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I remember hearing these verses at church in relation to missionaries. It is a good point that there needs to be those that spread the Gospel so that people can believe in Him. I am praying for more opportunities and decisions for our family to spread God's word.

"Bye, Bye, Dada"

Angela told me while we were talking at work that I should write this down and look back at this one day. Here it goes...

It was awesome to sleep in until 10:30am. Ruth had stayed up late since I am kind of a lax parent when Amy is at work. I had stayed up to watch the Syracuse-UConn game that went to 6 overtimes. Shortly after that, Amy returned home from her shift. We all appreciated the sleeping in during this rainy morning. We went to IHOP for lunch, picked up my dry cleaning, and bought me a more professional looking man-purse to carry my laptop and papers in. I figure that now I will be attending more departmental and important meetings, I should look more respectable thus the dressy clothes and bag. We returned home and watched the latest "The Office" episode which was funny as usual. It was then time for me to depart for work. I waved goodbye to Amy and Ruth. They decided to stand by the big window in the living room to wave bye-bye to me as my car drove by. I wish I had slowed down a little more to clearly wave back but there was a car behind me. Next time I'll pull over, and here is the reason why. When I approached the hospital, Amy called to tell me that Ruth had fallen asleep for her nap. Before that, Amy had handed Ruth some books and went to get her milk. When she looked back, the books were on the living room table, and Ruth had walked off. Amy found Ruth by that window saying, "Bye, Bye, Dada." If I could go back in time and witness something that I had missed, this would be on the top of the list. Hearing this story almost (I said almost) brought tears to my eyes, and it definitely took my breathe away. I was very touched. It makes me feel so special and blessed that God has given me such a wonderful daughter who loves me. I wonder how God feels when we tell him that we love Him. Everytime we pray, sing praises, and worship Him, I wonder how that affects Him.
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Romans 9:20 "But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?"
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I ask why and have regrets many times. I want to be famous, powerful, admired, rich, successful, and other self-glorifying adjectives. However, it doesn't matter what I want. It is God's will because He is in control and the Creator. With today's story of Ruth saying bye-bye at the window after I had left, nothing in my life has made me feel so good. This is without exaggeration. Nothing has ever made me feel this way. No matter how famous, powerful, admired, wealthy, or successful I could ever become, it would not have matched my feeling right now of how Ruth thinks of me or loves me at this young age. My goals have been reinforced all of a sudden. Obviously, number one is to glorify God with everything I do. My second priority is to love my family with all of my heart. That includes Ruth and the twins who are on the way. I want to tell Amy that I love her more often and show it. I want to love my mom, dad, Ben, and D.J. by praying constantly for their salvation so that they will be in heaven for all of eternity. Thank You, Lord, for blessing me with a daughter that loves me. I want to love You as much as she loves me in the same pure and unquestionable manner.

Sleep

I got up early for b-ball, and it was fun. I came home and slept for a long time to make up for the last few days. Amy took Ruth to the aquarium with Will and Angela. Amy went to work for the 3rd shift while Ruth and I hung out at the house. We put up some clothes, ate some mac and cheese, played with her toys, took a bath, and watched some b-ball. I'm cherishing these last few opportunities to have these full days with Ruth while Amy is at work.
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Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."
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This wonderful verse reminds me that no matter what the adversity is that we face here on Earth, God's greatness and our future in heaven is worth it and outweighs any tough times we endure.

late entry for Weds, 3-11-09

It was a quick turnaround from work which ended at 2am. I got home and slept for a few hours. We all got up and went to the hospital to hear Manny Rivers speak on his "Early Goal Directed Therapy" which is widely accepted as an effective and aggressive treatment for sepsis in the ED. It was honor to meet him.
He was a great speaker with great slides and videos. Instead of being cocky or arrogant as you might expect from a lead author of a ground breaking NEJM article, he was very nice and laid back. After staff meeting, I sat in with Steve Arze in the ED general meeting with all the other related departments and was introduced as the new associate medical director. I feel blessed to be learning so much from a strong leader and Christian. I feel overwhelmed at times at how much I have to learn, but with anything, small steps are more manageable which will eventually lead to bigger goals. Ruth slept while Amy and I had lunch with Arze at Blue Mesa Grill. I am slowly learning how and why he does things and feel our ED is in good hands. We stopped by the house to let the new lawn/pest control guy in for an estimate. Clark Kardys gave me a call and said he was coming to visit Dallas next month so that will be nice to see him again. We went to the mall to meet Keri and Eliot. Everyone except me let for church while I stayed for the combined Baylor/UTSW Journal Club. It was strange seeing these two worlds collide: my former EM training with my current EM career. I was great speaking with all the emergency physicians. It truly is a small world. I ran into a lady who I had met at TCEP in '06 and accepted a transfer from her while I was at Parkland. She was now at Baylor Waxahachie. It was fun to move through the room and chat with old attendings and current leaders: a former ACEP president, the CMO for EmCare, the regional director, medical directors for several EDs and city EMS/Fire and Rescue programs, etc. I drove home through the heavy rain thinking of all the people I had interacted with today. It was packed full of leaders from various places. I don't know what God has planned for me. If it is to be a leader, I pray for wisdom, confidence, compassion, and the desire to glorify Him in all of my decisions and actions.
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Romans 7:22-23 "For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members."
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Chapter 7 talks about marriage and then speaks about battling sin. The difficulty of living a Christlike life comes from the internal sin we all have. Still, we must fight and attempt to do what Jesus wants us to do. The goal is to listen to His calling and achieve it while avoiding the pitfalls and temptations of sin.

late entry (3-10-09)

I woke up early for 5:45am b-ball despite being tired because I had already scheduled a 7:30am trainer appointment so I felt I might as well get both done. Basketball was fun, and I had a great chat with Marcus during this session about sports and the road to my current medical career. I came home and took a great nap until it was time for work. Work was full of sick folks that needed admission. It was a wonderful shift. The acuity was high, and the patients were nice. I am headed home now so that I can get up in a few hours to return for Manny Rivers' sepsis talk and our staff meeting.
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Romans 6:1-2 "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?
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These initial verses of Romans explains how we cannot use God's grace as an excuse to sin. His grace is wonderful, but we also must avoid sin in our lives. We have a great gift in His death and resurrection.

late entry for Mon, 3-9-09

I woke up at 7am to go walking with Dwight. We chatted about politics, the church small group and yesterday's service at Northwest, and his experiences in Ruidoso. We got home to get the Andrews packed and ready to go back to Lubbock. We stopped at IHOP for breakfast. I headed to my personal trainer session. We picked up the Nick and Angela for lunch. I put Ruth down for a nap while Amy got some things done. While Ruth slept, Amy and I died laughing watching The Office episodes on DVR. We headed to BUMC to visit my parents' friend who was doing well in the ICU. He seems to be recovering well so that is great news. From there, we headed to pick up a Rael to go to dinner. His fiancee met us at Glorias on Greenville which had a great patio. Ruth loved playing with the dog at the table next to us. Rael and Coral came over to our house and played with Ruth. Amy and I watched a couple more episodes of The Office and headed to bed.
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Romans 5:7-8 "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
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Chapter five talks about peace and hope through Him. It also speaks of sin from Adam (and Eve, I suppose) to the entire human race which was reconciled by Christ. The verses above are interesting in that we all sometimes will do something nice to those who are nice to us, but rarely for someone who is against us. Verse 7 and 8 speak of Christ dying for all of us, while we were still sinners and those who were against Him.

Hooray for the Weekdays

We finished our weekend shifts so we are looking forward to a few days of here and there during the weekdays. Ruth actually was still asleep when I went to work. These last few shifts have been good. Not much to report except that I have learned that even when you ask for something to be done (once, twice, or more), it doesn't always get done. When it is your license on the line, it is ultimately your responsibility because you hold the ultimate liability. I want to be nice and lovable. However, there are times you have to be firm and clear about the need for things to get done. I don't want to be mean or nasty, but I don't want to get sued or feel guilty for a bad outcome because I was too soft.
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Romans 4:20 "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."
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Romans 4 talks about Abraham and his faith. There times I lose faith, including the hope that God will save my parents and brothers, but this verse reminds me of the story of Abraham and Sarah. I will keep on praying and trust Him.

Work, Reality Check

Ruth and I woke up after Amy had gone to work. I went to work and had a good shift. Dad had called, but I was with a patient so I didn't pick up. On my way out of the ED to the car, I checked his message asking me to call him back which was different. I called, and he told me a friend of the family had a head bleed. It struck me as odd that I see ICH all the time in the ED, and it's no big deal. However, when it is someone you know, it feels different. I asked dad how his blood pressure was doing and to remember to exercise... and that I love him. I left a voicemail with the patient's daughter to let her know we would be praying for her dad. I spoke to a couple of friends in the same group of Thai families to learn more about the details. It was interesting to hear how fast the news had spread among the Thai community around Dallas. My prayer is that, he recovers quickly from the subdural hemorrhage and that Dad becomes a Christian soon.
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Romans 3:22 "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe."
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This chapter goes over the basic tenet that we all fall short. His grace allows us to have faith in order to be righteous in His presence. I will be praying for the rest of my family to also accept this gift.

late entry for Fri, 3-6-09

Yesterday, I got up to work out with my trainer. At home, I played some guitar until Amy and Ruth woke up. Ruth had a difficult time going to sleep the night before so it was good she slept in. We all went to the ultrasound and ob appointments. Praise God everything continues to be normal. While Amy and Ruth went to meet the Harveys at the arboretum, I went to play basketball at the church. At home, Amy and I watched a couple of episodes of The Office on DVR. We laughed pretty hard. Amy's parents arrived, and we all hung out for awhile at the house before going to eat at Snider Plaza. I played some more guitar before we all went to bed.
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Romans 2:1 "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things."
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I had been upset at times when others had been judgmental and rude to me. I try not to do the same to others but many times I am guilty of the same thing. God is the only one who is perfect and can judge. I have decided to not let others affect with their judgment because only His opinion is the one that matters.

work

I got up early to play some basketball and came home for a nap. Then I went to work. Amy, Ruth, and I went to dinner at the pizza place near our house. Ruth seems to be getting more sophisticated every day by using more syllables and learning new words. Not much to report from today.
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Romans 1:11 "I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong— that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith."
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I would like to start reading Romans. This verse is a nice reminder of how believers can help one another. I would love to visit some of my friends that I have not seen in awhile. The believers that I know locally definitely encourage me in my faith, and I hope to travel to impart some encouragement as well.

No Sleep

At about 4am, I work up with a very sore throat. I took some Tylenol and got back in bed. I started thinking about documenting better on charts, needing to organize CME credits for ACEP, and wanting to review the online checking accounts to see where the expenditures are going. I couldn't fall asleep so I got up and did all of those things and the sun came up. By the time I got back in bed, Ruth and Amy were awake... and the maids arrived so I got up so that they could clean the bedroom. We ate breakfast and ate at Einsteins Bagels. In that shopping center is a new kids resale store where they have used children's clothing, toys, and other items. I got a couple of baby sign language DVDs but I would like to return to check out the kid's kitchen that Ruth has enjoyed playing with at her friends' houses. I went to work out at LA Fitness with my trainer. We did upper body and abs. Rael Caspari texted me and said he was in Dallas so I picked him up at Children's, and me met Amy for lunch at Northpark Mall. He came over to our house, and we chatted. I took him back to the hospital and returned home to get a short nap before it was time to go to church. Ruth ate a lot of green beans which was impressive. Small group was great. We had some in depth discussions regarding the first part of Ephesians 5.
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Ephesians 5:3-4 "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving."
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The word "hint" makes it very difficult. Bad thoughts, coarse joking, and other sins may enter into the mind briefly during the day but the verse states there must not be even a hint of these things. There is always room for improvement. Not sinning is not enough. Not thinking about sinful things seems to be yet another step. The goal of a Christ-like life is definitely not easy but well worth it. I am going to get some sleep since there is the usual early morning basketball and then work tomorrow where I can document to my heart's content without losing sleep over it...

Family

Amy left early for the 6am shift so I had the first half of the day with Ruth. She woke up at 7am so we had some breakfast and did some laundry that Amy started yesterday when we unpacked from Phoenix. I spoke to John Pillow on the phone about advice on being a medical director. Ruth and I played some guitar and danced to CDs which was a lot of fun. Ruth fell asleep to Curious George but woke up as soon as we got in bed so I fell asleep for a little bit while Ruth watched movies in bed. Bob Suter called me back and gave me advice also. Ruth and I ate a late lunch at Chick-Fil-A and played on the playground. I helped her go down the slide. I think her confidence has increased since playing on the giant pool slide in Arizona. Ar Ben came to join us and helped Ruth down the slide also. Ruth fell asleep when we drove home. Amy had finished her shift and showered. Ruth stayed asleep while Amy and I chatted during rush hour traffic towards Plano to see the Catings. We met their new arrival, Rachel. From there, we met Ar Ben again for dinner at Chuy's. Ruth was perhaps a little tired and caused Amy to spill a little water. We gently told her not to act like that, and she seemed to be sensitive to our stern warning. I feel Ruth has a wonderful heart and is quite sensitive like her father. I hope that this is a good thing and that she is quick to obey and learn without too much correction from her parents. Only time will tell.

Jude 1:22 "Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh."

I read about the story of Rachel in Genesis and then blew through 3 books of the Bible. Of course, they were all pretty short (2 John, 3 John, and Jude). This passage in Jude reminds me to continue to pray hard for my family. Jude seems to wrap up the Bible in a final warning of what is to come in the next and final book, Revelation.

Back in Texas

I went to bed feeling ill again and had a difficulty night sleeping. I kept feeling chills and feverish while trying to recite what I needed to document on my t-sheets to get credit for ED obs. (I kept seeing powerpoint slides from the seminar.) This morning, I woke up feeling a little better since I eventually took Tylenol by the end of the night. We all got to Sky Harbor to check our baggage and eat some breakfast at the D terminal. I slept during the majority of the flight from PHX to ATX. Once we got back to Dallas, we unpacked, and I took a nap. It was nice to just hang around the house. There was good news of the Catings and their new daughter, Rachel, who was born today. Amy and I got to chat some before she went to sleep in preparation for an early shift tomorrow.
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1 John 5:14 "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us."
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Today's passage reminds me of the power of prayer. This confidence to know that His phone line is constantly open makes me want to take advantage of this gift. I want to become more consistent in prayer just like this blog is making me more consistent in reading the Bible. The question I have is that do I pray only for things that I think are according to His will? I could be wrong in what I think He wants. In that case, shouldn't I pray for everything in case they all end up being His will? There are obviously things that I want that are not in line with His desires, but what about the things in the middle ground or gray area? I guess I will pray about that also. Time to sleep now so that I can take care of Ruth tomorrow while Amy is working.

Seminar Day

I woke up feeling better, and Nick dropped me and Angela off at the seminar hotel. It ended up being a great meeting. The speaker was great, and the other attendees were great. I learned a lot from everyone. I feel coming to Phoenix was a great decision. We brought Pei Wei back to the pool where Amy, Ruth, and Will were waiting for us. We all ended the night by watching a movie, "Fireproof" while I looked up future seminars, including those for reimbursement and leadership. It has been a great stay here overall. The hotel, pool, meeting, and company was wonderful. We are looking forward to KK4.

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1 John 4:16 "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him."

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The key words in today's verses are "love" and "confidence." I want to live in love. I want to have confidence. I feel loved by God, Amy, Ruth, family, and friends. I feel pretty lucky considering what Kirk Cameron is going through (in this movie I am watching... long story). The confidence of having God is wonderful. No wondering what coders want to see on my chart. No hoping I get enough documentation or worrying about forgeting to communicate on the chart what needs to be critical care or level 5. His commands to us are quite clear.

Vacation day 2 (late entry Sat, 2-28-09)

We woke up and went to the hotel lobby for some light breakfast. Nick and Will had gone to pick up Robbie so it was just me and Ruth when Amy and Angela went for pregnancy massages and pedicures. Ruth and I roamed the resort grounds. It was fun to see her navigate through various terrain. We tried to feed the ducks but they were not interested in our goldfish crackers. We encountered various birds who also flew away if we got too close. Ruth enjoyed picking up some rocks but her throwing motion needs a little work. She handed several to me so that I could throw them in the pond for her. Ruth and I ate an overpriced lunch by the pool She loved the watermelon. When the Kennedy guys arrived, we went to the pool. Ruth continued to request the slide which was a lot of fun. I spent the afternoon by the pool with Nick and Robbie while the rest of the gang napped. I looked over t-sheets and noticed a few boxes here and there that I never check off. When the wives and kids returned for swimming, we enjoyed the slide some more. Nick and I went to pick up food at Olive Garden. After eating, I felt some chills and muscle aches and hit the sack pretty early. I am glad to be feeling better this morning.

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Psalm 41:1 "Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the LORD delivers him in times of trouble. The LORD will protect him and preserve his life; he will bless him in the land and not surrender him to the desire of his foes. The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness."

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I was not exactly on my deathbed but I felt kind of ill last night. I was afraid I was going to get as sick as I did back in October of 2007 when I felt awful. A little Tylenol and sleep has made me feel better. I didn't want to miss the seminar so praise that I am not worse. I don't thank Him enough for health and wellness. We usually pray for safety and no complications to the pregnancy but we take our current well being for granted. Hopefully Ruth and Amy will be back to 100% and get over their cough.