I Am Leaving My Family in Congo

Much time has passed since my last blog entry. One thing has not changed since we moved here three months ago. Not a single adopted child has been permitted to leave DRC. We have heard rumors and announcements indicating these children would be freed soon but many months have passed without any truth to these statements. We have come to a point where we had to make a decision. This is what I shared on Facebook today: I'm leaving my family in Africa while I travel home to Dallas to work. I know God wants us to love, but what if it hurts us deeply to do so? When I considered moving my family to Africa earlier this year to be with our adopted son, Daniel, who has been kept from leaving his country, I knew there were many risks. One risk was that we would become attached and then would have to leave before they finally released our son. Unfortunately that fear has become reality. My wife, 3 daughters, and I had originally set a date of May 20th to move to Kinshasa. We decided to come on April 10th instead after a phone call from President Obama to President Kabila on March 30th and after positive news on April 2nd about the kids possibly coming home soon. After living here for 3 months during which no adopted children have been allowed to come home for the last 659 days (22 months), I thought about putting our Congolese son back in foster care at the end of the month and to move the rest of us back to Dallas so that our girls could start school. We have made so much progress in bonding with and raising our son, but taking him back to foster care would make it difficult for him to understand why we left him. Amy's mom has offered to come help Amy and the kids in Kinshasa so God answered our fervent prayers about what to do as this suspension continues on. We eagerly wait for exit letters from the Congolese government so that we can bring Daniel home to the USA to be a family of 6. Therefore, we will stretch further in response to DRC's unwillingness to release any of the remaining children (over 1,000) who they have already made the legally adopted children of families in America and several other countries for the past 1 or 2 years now. At this moment, canceling these adoptions would put children on the streets of Kinshasa since they cannot go back to orphanages. In the future, my family may be forced to consider going home without our son (but continuing to financially support him as we wait in Dallas) if Congo will not let him leave their country because eventually we may decide it is better for me, Amy, Ruth, Lucy, and Betty to be together in the United States where we love our church, jobs, and daughters' school. For now, we will do whatever we can to love all of our children to the best of our ability. We will continue to pray and seek out what God is calling us to do. God wants us to love despite the pain. He will be glorified, and the pain is worth it. Thank you for your continued prayers. In Christ, Andy, Amy, Ruth, Lucy, Betty, and Daniel

Hope

Later on the same day of my last post (Friday, May 15), we received an email from the U.S. State Department informing us that the DRC government was requesting adoptive families to turn in our dossiers. This was amazing news! For 20 months, DRC had suspended exit letters for adopted children so there had been no timeline or end in sight for the children being separated from their families in the United States. Now they were asking for paperwork, and we had hope of taking our son home. During these last couple of weeks, we have enjoyed this country more because we have hope. We no longer felt trapped indefinitely. We realized there was hope of getting to return as a complete family to see our other relatives and friends in the United States. It is amazing how our outlook on the world around us changes drastically when we see a light at the end of the tunnel. Now that we saw progress in getting our exit letters, we began to see how beautiful Kinshasa, the Congo River, and the people of DRC were. Our minds can miss the beauty of life if we feel trapped. The truth is Jesus gives us hope. We have eternity in heaven with Him if we believe in what He did for us on the cross. The truth sets us free, and then we can more easily see the beauty of our current world that we live in. If only we could keep from being distracted by all of the transient things so that we could cherish what great things we are blessed with now all around us and look forward to even better things ahead. For the next few days, we are praying fervently that we would be one of the reported 71 families that will be authorized to leave Congo in the coming week. We are thankful for all of the people that have prayed for this to happen! (I'm not sure if I have ever had 286 "likes" on a Facebook post before.)

Serving a Purpose

Why did we move to Africa? Why didn't we come later? Why are we stuck in this adoption suspension? It can be easy to ask questions that voice frustrations or regrets. I guess the answer to all of these could be that "it doesn't matter because this is where God has me." The question I should be asking is "How can I serve you, Lord, now that I am here" and "How do I show Your love to others while we are in this place?" This slowly became apparent after living in Kinshasa for over one month. After we got over the initial adjustments of moving to the Congo, we were able to start somewhat of a routine once we got settled. This allowed our family to better interact with the people here. We have been able to serve by using our medical background to be a resource to missionary families living here. Many had mentioned that having us to address some health concerns over the phone or to examine them at a home, the clinic, or at church provided some reassurance. Ruth even got to help sew an existing sling so that it would better fit a little girl who broke her collarbone:

Once we had learned the ropes of living in DRC for a few weeks, we became the new "veterans" for the adopting families who were visiting for a short time or new to Kinshasa. Suddenly we could give some tips on places to shop, trustworthy drivers, and how to add minutes to our cell phones/internet modems. We have arranged clinic visits for families visiting DRC who noticed their kids needed medical tests. It has been a blessing to live so close to such a wonderful clinic/hospital! It was fun to invite 2 other Texas families over to our apartment in Kinshasa (we ate Thai food which is fitting since I am a Thai-American who grew up in Texas where I've lived all my life). To the adopting families who were the true veterans living here from 4 to 13 months already, our family enjoyed bonding with them and trying to provide fellowship by coordinating a trip to see the bonobos together

and gathering all of us for a Tex-Mex dinner. We have helped one family currently in the U.S. video chat with their adopted children while their kids were in our apartment. We have 2 more families asking for the same, and we are happy to help! I definitely didn't want to limit my experiences here to spending time with only other Americans. Thankfully, some of the missionaries have helped me interact with their Congolese friends, including the day where I got to ride in a car with these men who sang hymns in Lingala while on the way to visit a sick church member in the hospital. Amy had a great idea for us to pass out Coca-Cola in plastic cups and cookies to all of the security guards and drivers in and around our building. Ruth, Lucy, and Betty would say "bon jour" to everyone and hand out the drinks and snacks. It was great to see smiles and the reactions to this opportunity to communicate to the workers we see everyday around our apartment that we appreciate them. Sometimes there is a hierarchy or almost a caste system here. We have tried to show everyone our desire to be friendly with them and that God loves us all. We also got to share our experiences with friends back in Dallas. Perhaps God has sent us here to DRC so that those back in the U.S. can see how He is working here in Africa. It was a blessing to be on a video chat shown on the big screen during both Sunday services at our church:

We also used FaceTime to talk to our small group on another Sunday. My Wednesday night men's bible study group emailed me a video message which was so uplifting. My Friday morning men's bible study group used FaceTime to talk with me and showed me a familiar sign which I though was clever. I was reminded that these special relationships will not be separated by thousands of miles and an ocean. We can use email, social media, and web based video to share God's greatness and faithfulness. In the end, I understand that I can approach our current situation in two different ways. I can complain and be unhappy or I can be grateful for the opportunities God has given me and use it to glorify Him. I am excited to see what else we can do for Christ while living in Congo.

Transition

Eighteen days ago, our world traveling family landed in Africa with no idea what our new life was going to look like. We had quickly decided to leave over a month earlier than originally planned so things were a blur which gave us no time to be sad about leaving home. The day after we arrived, our Congolese son was brought to us by his foster mom and our adoption agency attorney. The first few weeks were a difficult adjustment period. We were sad about leaving our family and friends but excited to be with Daniel. He was also getting used to us. There were times he was frustrated with us when he didn't get his way. He would have temper tantrums and sometimes it would take an extremely long time to get him to nap or to sleep. As the days went by, he seemed to trust us more and realize how much we really loved him. We began getting a routine down, and he caught on to what bath time and going to bed would look like each day. There were some days or nights where homesickness kicked in. However, this was overcome by remembering how we had been blessed by so many people back in Dallas and how people were now showing great generosity to us here in Kinshasa. The Tajdin family has really taken great care of us in a similar way to how we had tried to help refugees in Vickery Meadows in Dallas. I believe God is teaching us what it feels like to be dependent on others, but especially dependent on Him. Without a car, without fluency in French, and without local knowledge of the city, our transition here has been much smoother than had we not met Rahim and Kamila. They are devout Ismailis (Islam) but despite our different beliefs, I realize we have so much in common! We talk about raising kids, health care delivery, and life in general. We both enjoy trying out various restaurants and traveling. Amy and I are thankful for them doing so many things that have made our adjustment period here in Congo a very pleasant one. We are most thankful for their friendship!

We have also been grateful to the American missionaries and other adoptive families who have also provided advice, given us rides and dinners (thank you Sandy Francis, the Hochstetlers, Pastor Grings, the Wards), and spent their time hanging out with us. It has been so fun to hear about how they came to live in Kinshasa. Some grew up in the jungles of the Congo and are 3rd generation missionaries here. It is impressive to hear them speak Lingala fluently. Another is an adoptive family here since January from a smaller town in Tennessee. The Lloyds have helped us prepare for life here through their blog and sharing of information. We have attended two different churches thus far. The one near where we are living is full of believers from all over the world, and the sermons are in English. Another church is in a poorer area. The pastor preaches in Lingala, and the people there were all very interested to meet us since we were visitors from a foreign land. The Shannon family (who originally connected us to the Tajdin family) have kindly invited us to go swimming at TASOK (The American School of Kinshasa) a few times and let us take family photos on the beautiful, jungle like campus in which their home is located. From my prior blog post, I shared photos of the nurses, doctors, and staff at the Baylor Garland ER sharing our "Waiting for you" and "Bring Daniel Home" signs during my last shift. It was touching and fitting that when I video chatted over FaceTime with my Friday morning men's bible study, they were sharing their own "waiting for you" sign. How fitting! I have enjoyed volunteering at Centre Médical Diamant by providing feedback on how we do things differently in the United States, consulting on emergency patients, and teaching emergency medicine skills like bedside ultrasound. I have encountered great people, learned a lot about malaria, and improved my French from the clinic interactions. I am most pleased to see our family grow closer together. We still have lots to learn but it warms my heart to see Daniel playing with his sisters and growing closer to Amy. My hope and prayer is that he grows up learning how much Jesus loves him through our family. As we settle in, things are getting easier. We no longer have to fit 5 or 6 people in one bed as shown on the last blog post. We were blessed to be able to use the whole apartment once the Tajdin family moved to a newer place. In addition to the REI air mattresses we brought, we have gone to local stores to buy a pack and play for Daniel (costs 2-3 times as much as its usual price in the U.S.) and an inflatable boat for Betty to sleep in. This ended up being a great deal because she likes to sleep in a boat and it was a third of the price of a pack and play (and much cheaper than buying another bed).

Moving to Africa: Unexpected Joy

I woke up too early my first two nights in Africa due to jet lag and excitement. You would think an emergency physician who works varying shifts in the ER would be immune from time changes and could be more grounded emotionally, but the unfamiliar and unknown can affect anybody regardless of background or experience. During my 7 day visit to the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) in September of 2014, I also had trouble sleeping at night. I attributed that to wanting to video chat with Amy and our girls because of missing them and wanting to fill them in on my time with our son, Daniel. This makes me realize that I am so blessed! I am here with Amy and the girls now. Daniel came to us during our first full day so I woke up on the second night to Amy and our 4 kids sleeping on the bed. (It's a Jenga puzzle but they have found a way to all fit and have slept well. I have enjoyed my REI travel mattress on the ground even if there is a foot dangling in front of my face at times.)

This reminds me of our interesting sleeping arrangement at Vickery when the twins were 1 year old and Ruth was 3 years old: scroll to the very bottom of this link (http://kahnsinvickery.blogspot.com) to see how we fit 3 beds perfectly in our apartment bedroom. Catching up from the last blog post, we gave our jobs notice that May would be our last month and asked them to hire someone to replace us. We made contacts with adoptive families already living in DRC and also connected with their friends which led us to meeting a wonderful couple from Canada who run a medical facility on the busiest street of this Congolese capital city of Kinshasa. They arranged transport from the airport, provided us a place to stay, and have helped me get a temporary medical license so that I can volunteer at their clinic. I have the opportunity to work there if we are unable to bring Daniel home as quickly as we would like. For reasons I will expand upon at another time, Amy and I changed our one way plane tickets to leave a month earlier so we quickly packed and arranged for a trip of unknown duration which can be difficult to plan for. (We packed the essentials: a Home Depot plastic bin inside a suitcase, water filter for brushing our teeth since it is advisable to avoid putting tap water in our mouths, and Amy's coffee maker/pods:

We realize that we have the best colleagues in the world who are supportive of our adoption process. They have picked up our remaining shifts in our ER on short notice, and we cannot thank them enough for not only agreeing to cover us but they have also all expressed well wishes and prayers for our journey.

With the decision to quickly leave our home country, several friends immediately asked what they could do to help. Several came to help us pack, others did errands for us, and so many offered help that we had nothing else left for them to do except pray for us. It feels so amazing to receive such an outpouring of support. I believe God has blessed us with these people to make us realize what life is really about. It is not about doing everything for ourselves. It is not about just focusing on retirement, college for the kids, or our belongings (home, cars, etc.). These things have value so I am not saying we should ignore them. I do believe we have to put things in perspective. If we believe that life on Earth is all we have, then what is the point? We gain possessions and make friends, and then it all turns to dust eventually. However, if we believe in eternity with our God and Savior, then life is really about something much greater: Loving God and loving the people He loves. All of these people (from strangers to acquaintances to close friends) eagerly sacrificed for us and offered their help. They reminded me that our God is glorified when we attempt to take risks for Him. As we become desperately dependent in these new situations, we find unexpected joy from seeing people step up to make a difference. Following Jesus is why we have adopted and why we have altered our lives to respond to the challenges in our adoption process. I am excited to continue on to find more unexpected joy from following Him. If it brings about more opportunities to see the love of Christ, I know this is what I want to commit my life to. Yes, it is great to be a family of 6 with Daniel. I'll post more about that next time and will try to post more often from Congo.

This Adoption Has Cost Us Our Jobs, Home, and Life... But We Press On!

From where I left off from last August's blog post, I had just traveled around the world with my family. Little did I know I would be flying back across the Atlantic Ocean with another adoptive parent one month later so that we could each meet our adopted children in person for the first time in September. That week in Africa changed everything. Amy and I had learned a trip to file paperwork with the U.S. Embassy in Africa would be very helpful. I was blessed to have another adoptive dad willing to go with me. The adoption process had already been stuck in a suspension which kept adopted children from being able to leave their country for the past 12 months. I had felt a disconnect from my son as we did not have much progress in the adoption process. Our family had been distracted from adoption by God's call to help with the Wafodi family the previous 10 months. The miraculous events which allowed the Wafodis to be reunited and cared for by families from our church would quickly be a forgotten memory. It spared Amy and I from our commitment of being legal guardians of 4 more children. (It is sad how quick I am to forget what great things God has done!) However, this opportunity to meet my son in September of 2014 changed everything. He was no longer someone in official documents or a photograph from an email attachment. He was my son who I spent time with 24 hours a day for a whole week in my hotel room in a continent I had never been to. I did not expect to cry when I had to give him back before I left. I was on FaceTime with Amy when his foster mom came to pick him up. I told our foster mom that we appreciated her and that we would be praying for my son every night. That. Is. When. I. Lost. It. I didn't know when I would see him again. In November, Amy and I made a rare trip without kids to New York to spend time with my youngest brother, D.J. and his girlfriend. We had a great time and were able to see them again when they came to Dallas for Christmas to be with me, Amy, my parents, Ben, and Preaw. Earlier in December, our family enjoyed the snow in Park City, Utah, while spending time with Amy's parents, brother, and sister-in-law. On New Year's Eve, Amy asked me if our family could move to Africa to be with our adopted son. We had been the legal parents who were financially responsible for him for over a year now. The problem was his country wouldn't let him leave. We had waited long enough. We decided we should move to be with him so that he could know his family and that we could all be together. That was not an easy decision at first, but then God began to make it clear that He wanted us to change our lives. We were willing to give up our homes, our way of life, our comfort, and our country to do what God wanted. We wanted what God wanted.

The hardest part was realizing we needed to tell our boss at work to replace us in June. It was the right thing to do. We needed to give them time to recruit doctors and get them credentialed at our hospital so that the current physicians would not be stretched thin covering our shifts. It was hard letting go of the only real job I have ever had.

There have been so many great memories at Baylor Garland (see pictures above and below) since I started there at 1pm on July 1, 2007. I grew up as an emergency physician and as a person there. My wife, children, and I will always be thankful for what the Baylor Garland Emergency Department has meant to us. God sets the lonely in families. (Psalm 68:6) He comes to us instead of leaving us as orphans. (John 14:18) Suddenly, we are now willing to do something we never dreamed we would be doing. We are committing to living in Africa. We are ready to move to Africa when school is over in May for our biological daughters. How long will we live there? We don't know, but likely until our son is allowed to leave with us, when we run out of money, or when God makes it clear to us. If God would like to change the minds of political leaders and suddenly start showing signs of allowing adopted children to come home, then we wouldn't have to move and give up the life that we have always experienced and expected. God's miracle of allowing Raymond to come to be with his family in Vickery in April 2014 released Amy and I from our commitment to being the legal guardians for his 4 children. Perhaps God will bring forth another miracle of ending the suspension of exit letters for adopted children. That would be 2 miracles in 2 years. I am praying daily for another miracle. I am ready for another miracle. We are doing all of this because we want to follow Jesus. He is all we want. He is all we need. It has been exactly 500 days since the exit letter suspension which has kept our son trapped in Africa. Please sign this petition (https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/end-drc-exit-letter-suspension-children-legally-adopted-american-families/GF9Qrb5L) for President Obama to contact President Kabila of the DRC to release the adopted children so that hundreds of American families can be united with their children. Thank you.